The Proverbs 31 Man

Wanting to go deeper into Proverbs 31 is something I've wanted to do for awhile. Some of these thoughts have been in me'noggin for a few months, others are fresh. I'm no pastor. Please take what I say with a grain of salt. I do make inferences and interpretations of the Bible in this blog. If something I have said is against the whole counsel of God, please please please tell me and I will modify/delete as necessary. Lastly, let me just say, I don't have it figured out. I need these words. Please do not be discouraged. The Lord is perfecting this good work of making us men into "kings" (Phil. 1:6) (and women into "queens"). When challenged by Him, we must recognize it and ask for help and enact change. "Strength rises for those who wait upon the Lord" (Isaiah 40... somewhere between 27 and 31). Anyway...

I was in Cottonwood, CA two months ago with some friends from the Grace Church UK team. We were going to a church to lead worship and solicite (maybe not right word choice?) prayer and financial support for our trip. Anyway, Proverbs was the theme of the summer in a lot of different ways. I overheard a conversation about Proverbs 31 where my buddy's mom exclaims "there is a Proverbs 31 man too!"

I loved that phrase "Proverbs 31 man" ....because it's so true.

Dudes read (and by "dudes read" i mean "I read") chapter 31 with some humor, (half) jokingly exclaiming "heck yes!" after certain verses (like 12, 15, and 27). But for a minute (or 10) I'll try to be serious.

Proverbs 31 is not entirely dedicated to the character of a good wife. Maybe it's just me who forgets that... over and over again. There are two sections of this 31-Man I want to look at. The first being verses 1-9 and the second, what's sporadically alluded to in verses 10 and on. I will be referring to the 31-man as "king" and the 31-woman as a "queen."

King Lemuel is the fortunate recipient of these words. They are from his mother; he is recalling her "oracle" (31:1). A king listens to his mother. Verse 3 is a strong warning, "Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings." I checked 4 versions (NLT, NASB, NIV, and ESV); they all said said "strength." A few things come to mind. Our strength, all of it, is meant for the Lord (Deut 6:5, and again in Matthew something and Mark 12:30). I would postulate that he is hearing a warning that calls to something deeper than just physical strength. A king should not give to a woman, nor find from a woman, that which makes him a man. "Lemuel, do not forsake who you are for women - you will be destroyed." She makes a similar case for "wine" and "strong drink" (v4). A king is not controlled by the intoxications of alcohol and/or women. Solomon wrote about this in detail in Ecclesiastes. Just as Lemuel's mother calls these destroyers of kings, so Solomon finds them meaningless (this is another blog for another day...). Lemuel is warned that if he succumbs to these temptations he will "...forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of the afflicted" (v5). Ouch. Basically, homie will become incompetent at his life's purpose and harm those around him, those whom he has swarn, as their king, to protect. This first section ends with an encouragement to speak for the mute (v8) and to judge righteously (v9). One (I) could say that "A king conducts their life with integrity" is an accurate summation of verses 1-9. A higher calling of service and life's work has superseded the king's wants and desires. Our kingdoms are not as easy to recognize as these Old Testament kings'. Our families, workplaces, bible studies, ministries, worship bands that we lead are crying out for our dedication. A dedication not unlike a king to his people.

(shifts gears)

Verse 10 begins the real meat or, salad I guess, of Proverbs 31. There are 5 verses I want to look at of this section. For reference, they are:

10: "An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

11: "The heart of her husbands trusts her and he will have no lack of gain."

23: "Her husband is known at the gates where he sits among the elders of the land."

28: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her."

29: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."

There is another proverb that must be always, in opinion, be called to mind (sadly) when reading 31:10 and that is 20:6 "Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?" Ouch (again). There are some sweet Gospel implications of this verse (yet, another blog) but I will stick with the more apparent meaning. Many men proclaim to be kings, yet only a few kings are found. Just as a woman, if she desires to be a queen, aspires to the truth found in these verses 10-31, so must a man, if he desires to be a king, heed these truths. Recognizing our shortcomings and need for the grace of God surely must be the first step of becoming one of the few real kings (and queens). A king repents and relies upon the King.

Verse 11 is great. It's great because it's so freaking hard. The inner core of a king, his heart, trusts his wife. It doesn't quantify or qualify this trust with when or to what extent. To trust someone with something to relinquish control of it. Yes there are two parties to this trust; she must be trustworthy - that's her problem right now, not the king's. Are we willing, as men, as kings, to trust our queens? He is confident in her. He has faith in her. He doesn't treat her like a child or baby her along life.

The third verse of that list, v23, is my favorite. For it implies that the woman's character is not entirely up to her. "Her husband is known at the gates where he sits among the elders of the land." Beautiful. I remember being in a men's group/bible study/thing one time (early college, maybe high shcool?) and we were talking about this chapter and how we wanted our future wives to be queens. What makes an excellent wife (queen)? The answer is (partially) "an excellent husband." This husband is an "elder." First Timothy and Titus talk extensively about elders - leaders in the church - and their qualifications/character traits. Quite the list (1 Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9): above reproach, faithful, sober-minded, self controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, manages household well, with dignity keeping his children submissive, not a recent convert, well thought of by outsiders, not insubordinate, not debaucherous, lover of good, upright, holy, disciplined, holds firm to the trustworthy word and can rebuke those who contradict it. Wow. These are the traits and marks and qualities of a king, as the bible says. A king prays for, seeks and lives the elder-life.

One note, particularly after that exhaustive list: we are fallen. we are broken. we. are. sinners. With all humility and faith, we must beseech and ask the Lord for help, for grace, for mercy, that He might hasten his "perfecting work" (Phil 1:6) in us. We must ask Him that as He gives grace to us, that we would grow in giving grace to ourselves. to continue...

The last two verses are together: A king knows how to encourage a queen. (I'm going to steal from John Elderidge (he wrote Wild At Heart) for this paragraph a bit, and yes, I used parentheses inside of parentheses). There are questions that haunt every man "Am i strong?" Am I a man?" etc. and, likewise, there are questions that haunt every woman "Am i beautiful?" Am I loved?". Verses 12-22 and 24-27 describe a woman, who in all honesty, must be exhausted at the end of the day. Her hair, yes, is probably a mess. With all that sewing, cooking and gardening (13, 15, 16, 21, 22, 24) she probably has a band-aid or two on her fingers. She doesnt get to the end of the day and hear "thanks schnookums, see you tomorrow." She hears, in v29, exactly what she wants, no, needs to hear. "You surpass them all." "I adore you; I'm humbled by you and your faithfulness to this family. I'm indebted to you." The truth in this verse goes beyond the marriage relationship. Brothers, aspiring future kings, we (yes WE: you and me), must recognize and encourage our sisters, aspiring future queens.

.....

The italics, as you've probably noticed, are the one-sentence conclusion, in my opinion, of the verse(s) in question at that point.

Obviously, I hope it's obvious, I'm challenged by these words too. Pray for me as I pray for you (collective "you"... the biblical "you").

lastly, once again, please comment or email/call me with complaints or pointing out heresies or whatever. This stuff has been on my mind for quite some time.

"Peace be to the brothers, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with you all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible."